Kids, Coffee, Chaos

Life as a working mom of three, chasing my next cup of coffee through the chaos of our lives while I get a few words written

Total Slacker & the Chaotic Life

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Things are a bit of a mess right now in my life in general, as referenced by the chaos in the blog title. It’s weird because when I was on maternity leave and home all the time, chaotic days were okay. It could be all crazy, but at the end of the day, sometimes they would be fun.

But with my working schedule, chaotic days are disastrous. I end up being the mother I do not want to be. Which ends up leaving me feeling a bit depressed. My schedule is pretty messed up and there’s little room for improvement, so I’m not happy most days.

But I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer and moan about my woes all day long, so I don’t talk about it much. I am working to improve on my situation. I’ve got a few things in the works and I’m hoping something works out.

In the meantime, I’ll keep feeling like a slacker on the inside and making the best of this chaotic life.

Why I Haven’t Been Blogging Even Though I Have Tons of Ideas

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Vanderbilt Wife is doing a Why I series and I thought I’d participate, even if it’s a little late. Things have been crazy and get progressively more so the longer it’s been since I’ve returned to work in November. Yesterday the perfect analogy hit me. I t describes how I feel perfectly. Right now, most of the local rivers and streams are in flood stage and have risen above their banks. That is basically how I feel. There are so many things and the sheer amount of things I’m supposed to do/keep track/etc. are beyond my capacity. My bank are overflowing.

So I have a ton of blog post titles and a few lines of here and there of ideas just waiting for me to get them. And one day I will. I have been actively searching for better opportunities for our family. One day I will find something.

Saturday Splatters

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Wherein I fling my thoughts at the wall.

The kids woke me up too early. I wasn’t expecting it, and I don’t particularly care to wake up that way. Especially when the whining starts right out of the gate. I may have to try the clock trick and give them a time that they cannot get out of bed before.

I have gobs of cleaning to do and I’m sitting here, but I need some relaxing time and some thinking time.

Kid One is going to be staying the night with my Mother-in-Law tonight, so the evening should be nice and quiet. The smaller two tend to play well by themselves and not annoy each other. I should be able to clean tonight.

Passion

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It seems to be a common pursuit in many people’s lives, seeking something that one is passionate and following that passion wherever it may lead. It motivates people to leave a high-paying job they dislike to seek employment in a field that means something to them, despite the lesser paycheck.

These passions are important, though and they often create defining moments in life. Thinking about the things that I am passionate about has been on the forefront of my mind lately, as has how those passionate topics affect me. There are two that really stand out for me when I think of things that really get me fired up.

The first is writing. I love writing. Putting thoughts down on paper (or the screen!), whether fiction or nonfiction is not only satisfying, but also very soothing. I’ve been writing on and off for a very long time. Now that I’ve fully realized how important it is to me, I want to make it a priority in my life.

The second is birth. I don’t know if it’s because of the time period I am in right in my life, but I love reading and talking about all things related to pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and raising small children. I read tons of information every day and I’ve realized that I have no one to discuss these issues with, so I’m going to start tossing them out on the blog as well in hopes that I can get my own conversations going.

I feel better having realized that I can name a couple of things that really matter to me and that I want to give some focus to with my free time. Mommy needs hobbies too!

2011 Resolutions

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NOTE: I typed this up ages ago and then let it sit around while I never edited it. Since it’s never a bad time to set some goals and work toward them, I’m still posting it. I look forward to updating regularly, some how or some way because I’ve failed miserably so far this year.

It’s that time of year again where everyone puts together plans for the new year and sets a gamut of unachievable goals. Yes, I’m guilty of it, too. In fact, I started thinking of things subconsciously before I even put a name to it.

But this year, I think I’m going to do something different. I’ve picked several areas of my life where I want to make improvements and/or changes. So I have a list of major areas where I want to tackle things. As I was thinking about it. I really decided that since the general goals don’t seem to work well for me, perhaps it was best to break down this big things into smaller pieces and perhaps work on implementing two things at a time until I met all the goals on my list. I’m hoping these smaller pieces will be easier to accomplish and I may even break down some of them to smaller to make it all more manageable.

So here’s my list. I am going to pick three of these to start off with and then move on from there.

Health/Exercise

  • Do sit ups, push ups & squats daily – preferably in the morning.
  • Do at least one 10 minute exercise routine a day
  • Lose weight (about 60 lbs) – This one has to wait to later in the year because I’ve found that if I cut too many calories, my breastmilk supply suffers.

Writing

  • Write 100 words every day – Something small to get me back in the habit of writing. It can be any mix of fiction or non fiction.
  • Attend the AW Science Fiction/Fantasy chats when they are held.
  • Do the AW Chat Flash Fiction Challenge on Sundays.

Personal Time

  • Go out once a month, be it date night or a girls’ night.
  • Get two hours of reading/writing time at least once a month, all alone.

House & Home

  • Plan and carry out meal plans and freezer cooking – It will save time and money during the week when I don’t get home until late and don’t want to spend the whole evening cooking like I do now.
  • Organize the house and create a cleaning plan – I’ve been building up to this, mostly using the Flylady’s routines. I’m working on modifying them to better work in our household.

Time with Kids

  • Get out and do more with them – Right now I feel so house-bound because I’m constantly trying to get caught up on housework and such, so I’m going to work on getting that stuff taken care of so we can do more fun things together.

These are the things I want to accomplish this year, so to start off right, these three things are going to be the focus for most of January/February:

  • Do sit ups, push ups & squats daily – preferably in the morning.
  • Write 100 words every day – Something small to get me back in the habit of writing. It can be any mix of fiction or non fiction.
  • Plan and carry out meal plans and freezer cooking – It will save time and money during the week when I don’t get home until late and don’t want to spend the whole evening cooking like I do now.

These are the things I’m going to focus on for the first couple of month, which will hopefully be enough time to make them habit. Around March, I’ll start on something else. I’m hoping to tackle everything by the end of the year.

Be on the lookout for further updates of my 2011 resolutions.

Back to Work I Go

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It’s been about 3/4 of a month since I returned to work. A pretty bittersweet return, mostly bitter for me. I didn’t want to go back. I want to be at home, raising my kids because they need me and I can see it. The only sanity saving part of it is that I need some time away from my kids to clear my head and I’ve finally got it.

Still, the schedule is sort of rough. We’ve not quite perfected all the details yet. I must say that on the three days my mom comes to our house instead of us driving to hers are much easier on me.

I’m coming up on the first long work week since my return and I hope it all goes smoothly. We will have to see though. And my daughter has her Christmas program for school coming up and due to all the stuff going on in the office, I don’t know that I will be able to attend. That part’s heartbreaking to the extreme.

There are a lot of things that I haven’t had a chance to figure out emotionally yet. Possibly being unable to attend my daughter’s program. Listening to my middle child cry for me as I’m leaving and learning she stood at the door for 20 minutes just waiting for me to return. Having an infant that wants to nurse all evening because he hasn’t seen me all day.

Honestly, I feel pretty shitty about the whole thing. This work crap sucks right now.

Merry Christmas to Me – A Little Early

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Yesterday I ordered a netbook for me, for writing. I’m so excited. It has a little spunk, being purple and all. I was a little hesitant to spend that much money on myself right now, but my dad encouraged me to do it with a gentle reminder that something good for my life may come out of it. He also forgave the remainder of a loan I owed him because I felt it wrong to spend that much money on something I didn’t absolutely need when I should repay him.

I have plans for my little netbook. Yes, indeed, I have plans. That poor little sucker is going to get carted around everywhere with me so that I can write on it when I get a spare minute. I want to write both fiction and nonfiction, as I seem to have an undying love for both. I can keep my little snippets of ideas right there on the computer to pick up any time I need them. The hope is that this will work better for me than writing everything on paper during the day and then trying to transcribe things at night.

My biggest problem is my fractured mind. I constantly feel overwhelmed with stuff all the time. I’m stressed about my lack of time at home, the things I really need to get done and the things I really desire to do in life. The netbook won’t be a cure-all, but I hope it will bring about a bit of continuity in my life. If I’m stuck waiting somewhere, I can take advantage of the fact by picking up right where I left off on something. This is currently a bit of a problem for me because I can’t always remember where I left off unless I have it with me and I just don’t have the time to transcribe every day.

So I’m looking forward to it arriving and I’ll see how it goes.

When I Lose My Husband to Hunting

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It’s that time of year again. Actually, I’ve been suffering this loss for weeks with all the pre-season preparation. It’s hunting season. Those few weeks in the fall where my husband disappears into the wild only to return again when he’s either taken all his deer for the season or the season runs out. He’s a meat hunter rather than a trophy hunter, so it’s something I can live with. Not to mention that he’s been doing it for longer than I’ve known him.

But it does get lonely and it’s hard to the whole parenting thing with no break. I’m lucky that Drama Momma is staying the night elsewhere tonight and things have gone pretty smoothly with the other two.

On the plus side, there’s quiet time in my house that I usually don’t get. Downtime is a bit of a luxury for me since I am usually multi-tasking like crazy. I almost don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so behind on cleaning that it’s sad. The urge to write also runs strong, but I hit a paralysis once I get in front of the computer. Should I write fiction or articles? I want to do both, but I never know which one to start first. It’s also appealing to just unwind and surf the web reading various articles and talking to people in forums.

So I never know what to do first and end up wasting what little time I have. At least I always start this process by fixing a pot of coffee.